In this Eating Disorder Awareness Week, Vaudreuil-Dorion resident Nadine Blanchette agreed to share her story with Néomédia.

Swinging between anorexia, bulimia and binge eating, Nadine Blanchette has had to relearn how to live with her body over the years. “I could go through periods where I deprived myself of food. I could also have periods when I would eat, eat, eat, so I'd gain a lot of weight. During those periods, I told myself I was healthy because I wasn't making myself vomit or skipping meals. But there were times when I would make myself vomit after eating endlessly. That's what we call a hyperphagic attack. These periods were rarer. It was really more between anorexia and bulimia”, she confides.

At her lowest, Nadine weighed less than 90 pounds. At her heaviest, without being pregnant, she weighed between 155 and 160 pounds. “I did internal damage to my body. By making myself vomit, I developed problems with my esophagus and stomach, and I also had to have teeth pulled .”  

A battle that begins in childhood

As early as elementary school, Nadine began to develop an altered perception of her body. When I was little,” she says, ”I loved it. I loved fashion, being well-dressed, and already something was on my mind,” she recalls.

Influenced by the standards of the time and her family environment, she grew up with a complex relationship to food and body image. “My mother was a professional dancer. For her, a healthy body was a 'fit' body. Back then, we were told that to get dessert, you had to finish your plate. My mother would give us a cookie for dessert, but she would remind us that it was full of sugar and fat. It wasn't that she was doing anything wrong, it was just ingrained in her. She was careful about what she ate.” 

Adolescence and the spiral of eating disorders

High school marks a particularly difficult period. Nadine, hidden behind baggy clothes and a long toupee, oscillated between restriction and compulsion. “I wore baggy clothes and didn't eat much. When I was well surrounded, it was fine, but performance took over.” Fear of judgment and the need for control became silent driving forces behind her struggle.

Despite her exemplary grades and numerous scholarships, Nadine lives with the weight of her negative perceptions of her image. “Performance even interferes with self-image. Everything fed into my image. I could perform well, I looked good, but I was still the one who liked to be hidden. I did some theater, but I was in charge of the sets, not on stage, because despite my attention-seeking, I like to be in the shadows. It's all about control. My successes came a lot from other people's eyes, depending on what they said about me. My physical person had to seek that approval.”

According to Anorexia & Bulimia, Quebec, 1 in 10 people live with an eating disorder, and the first signs can appear as early as age 7.

Illusory control

It's only as an adult that Nadine really becomes aware of her eating disorder. But as in adolescence, it was the idea of having control over her body that drove her.

“When I was 23-24, I was sitting in the cafeteria at work and a colleague looked at me and said, “You're just eating that?” I was eating a yogurt and a soft bar. That's when I thought maybe I wasn't eating enough. I think that's when I realized I had a “problem”. I think it even fed me more because I was aware of it and in control of it. I really felt in control. My head was telling me I was controlling it, but in reality, I wasn't controlling anything.”

For almost 10 years, the insidious cycle of eating disorders was part of Nadine Blanchette's daily life. Navigating between deprivation and compulsive eating, she managed to deceive those closest to her.  

“When I went to a restaurant, if I knew I was going to be eating a lot, subconsciously I'd already scouted out the bathrooms. Same thing if I was at an event with a buffet and lots of people. I always wondered how I was going to get people to think I was eating, even though I wasn't actually. Fortunately, I have a partner who was quick to recognize my problem. He broke down toilet doors to prevent me from vomiting. When we went to restaurants, he would send his mother to follow me when I went to the toilet.”

The impact on her children and unconscious transmission

Today Nadine is the mother of two children. A boy and a girl. “The pregnancies were great, I had a good reason to eat. (laughs)” Because, ironically, Nadine Blanchette is a true epicurean. 

“I love to eat, to discover new flavors. When I was pregnant, it was bliss. I'll always remember, one time I told my boyfriend that I wanted to eat pecan pie. I was bedridden and couldn't move, so he went to get me a slice of pie. I looked at him and said I wanted pie, not a slice. I can still see myself sitting in bed with the plate on my stomach, eating the whole pie. I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant. I must have put on 40 pounds for my son and nearly 60 for my daughter.”

As soon as she had the doctor's OK, Nadine went back to her usual routine.  “As soon as I had the OK, I could take three or four walks a day with the stroller, and I did baby yoga and weights. I lost weight fast. I was even below my healthy weight. I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant, but I managed to lose it all back quickly.” 

As the years went by, Nadine became increasingly aware that her behavior was influencing her children. “The children weren't aware that I had an eating disorder, but at the same time they were. Through my language and the way I looked at myself. I was very mean to myself, calling myself names, saying how cowardly I was for not being able to resist a second piece of cake. I'd talk to myself in the mirror and pinch my stomach. I was literally mean to myself.”

It was her daughter, then aged four, who made Nadine realize that she needed to change her tune. “She was in her room and I could hear her talking. I went over to listen to what she was saying, like any curious mother. She was looking at herself in the mirror, holding the skin of her little belly and telling herself she was fat. My legs gave out on me. My son pointed out that I talked to myself like that all the time. It was a big blow. I realized that I had to be extremely careful with my language. Today, she's 14 and has a great relationship with her body.  Does that mean she'll never have any problems? I'm not a mind reader.”

Today, her children help her to maintain a healthy relationship with her body, and nurture her with a kind look at herself.

A turning point

The turning point came with the writing of her book, Blandine, l'émancipation du cygne, published in 2023. “Writing the book was like therapy for me. For years, I'd lied and said I was being followed, when in fact I'd never consulted a doctor in my life. While writing the book, I asked myself how I could write about my experience without seeking help to get out of it.”

This prompted her to consult a nutritionist and a coach. Since then, she has been following a balanced eating plan and has never relapsed. “Today, I eat five meals a day, and I no longer feel the need to make myself vomit or skip meals. I admit I panicked when she gave me my first menu and told me everything I had to eat.” 

Modeling, a tool for reconciliation

Photography and modeling have played a key role in her journey. “Seeing myself through the lens of my photographer friend helped me find myself beautiful.” Involved in promoting body diversity, she fights against the rigid standards of the fashion industry. Recently, she has taken part in several American productions, including the upcoming Karate Kid. “I don't know if I'll be cut in the editing, but it's still fun to take part in this kind of project.”

Today, Nadine Blanchette shares her experience to raise awareness and encourage those who suffer in silence. Her advice to parents: “Be attentive to your children's eating habits, to subtle changes in behavior.”

To young people, she reminds them that they are not alone: “Talk to someone. There's always a helping hand. Don't do what I did. Every time I've been offered a hand, and I've often been offered a hand, I should have taken it.”

Her story, marked by resilience and reconstruction, bears witness to the fact that it is possible to come through and reconcile with oneself. 

Resources to help you or a loved one

Anorexia and Bulimia Quebec
Help line: 514-630-0907 / 1-800-630-0907
Text service: 1-800-630-0907

Douglas Hospital Eating Disorders Program

Overeaters Anonymous